It has become such a normal, nonchalant question to ask those married without children

So, are you two trying yet?
Ya’ll thinking about having kids?
How much longer till you have one of THESE (rubs giant belly/holds up drooling baby)
Hurry up and HAVE! SOME! BABIES!!

Maybe the last one is just what my inner catholic guilt yells every time I see my mom. Not really the point.

The point IS, it’s an awkward question, because no matter how you answer there will be judgment or uncomfortable follow up questions. If you say No, people assume that a) you never want kids, or b) you hate children, and WHO HATES THE BABIES?? If you say Yes, even more uncomfortable questions follow, but more importantly, people know that you’re actually doing IT. You know…IT.

I already have this paranoia about being uber pregnant – I mean, I might as well wear a sandwich board that says “DID THE NASTY”. I don’t need people knowing before I can distract them with a cute baby bump.

I tried the whole “We’re not trying, but we’re not preventing”, but that’s even more awkward. Yeah, we do it a lot…without a condom. Mom. Umm, no thank you. I like to veil my sex life behind my pretty catholic school upbringing – i.e. we only do it for the chilluns.

So what’s the best answer?  Say Yes then wink and/or take a shot?  OMG just kidding…winking is creepy.